Monday, August 23, 2010

A started at the preschool today

I just went in to peek in to her classroom, check on how A was doing on her 1st day at school. She was sitting with the other kids, facing the teacher who was singing something (heard music in the background) A kid or two seemed actually present in the moment, they were clapping to the music (almost absentmindedly I thought) Mine was just sitting... tuned out I guess! FOr a little bit in the middle, she raised her neck up to look at the corner where the other teacher (Ms. K) was sorting some papers etc.. then went back into nothing. Then again, she raised her hand when Ms. A asked them to.. and well.. I thought she 'd see me.. so I scooted out. She seemed lost - not necessarily in a bad way(she didn't seem upset or scared)
Seeing her in a group like that made me realise how terribly young she is... all the kids there in the class I guess, but selfish me, I had eyes only for mine. I don't think I liked seeing them all bunched up in a closed room like that.. I'd rather see her up and running around, playing with toys and smiling. But then, I know I am looking for excuses to hate the school considering my current state of mind. I'll have to remember to revaluate this in a week or two...

Last night, when I went to bed, it hit me.. that outside play at the preschool would be her 1st time ever to go about the playground by herself. I felt a pit in my stomach that still hasn't disappeared. And today at work it hasn't been easy focussing either. Thought I'd jot it down to get it out of my system so I can concentrate on the tasks on hand!

A has been pretty excited about going to school though. She didn't want to get out of there after the orientation on Friday and was looking forward to Monday the whole weekend! Wonder if the story will change course after day 1 at the school, and by what degree! She had dinner (called it lunch for last night :)) in her new lunch box and did a fair job of it. This morning, I packed her stuff that I have been coaching her to eat in her lunch box. She seemed really excited about it. '
I gonna eat it alll up!
she's promised. I hope atleast half the lunch is consumed.

The school has had a weird policy of not encouraging parents to visit for the 1st two weeks; I just don't get it. Well, the lady at the front desk did let me check on A, so I am not complaining that loud yet. Plan is to go again during outdoor playtime - in hopes of catching a glimpse of her - or maybe I'll just pick her up early today. It's almost lunch time for A ... eat it alll up babe!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Happy Independence Day

jab shahidon ki doli uthe dhoom se
desh waalon tum aansuu bahaanaa nahin
par manaao jab aazaad bhaarat kaa din
us ghadi tum hamen bhul jaanaa nahin

Heard this on the radio last evening... it reminded me of why I am proud to be an Indian... of the real reason in celebrating Independence day!
Flag hoisting, singing the national anthem and the march past in crisp white uniforms were enough to draw me to the independence day celebrations when I was in school... off late though... something was missing.

I have been in the States, away from India for a decade now... some of the fervor did wane down just be the fact that I was in another country... not my motherland.
I have been out of school for a while now... some of the fervor waned when crisp white uniforms didn't appeal to me as much any more.
I have been seeing some random bollywood star be the 'grand marshall' of the independence day celebrations in the current indian community... that and watching the parade have more desi businessmen in their fancy (?) cars waving at people than the actual jhaanki's at the parade haven't helped either. It'll be safe to say my enthusiasm for celebrating the independence day was being diminished by these superficial factors.

When I heard these lines on the radio last evening, it was like something that was buried deep inside was suddenly uncovered. Independence day... is a celebration of free India... but it is equally a celebration of all our freedom fighters who did their bit in pushing for the independence of India. Some more popular than the others, but equally brave nonetheless. Just imagining being that passionate for a cause, being that driven by a motive... I am filled with a sense of respect and pride... pride that I belong to the nation of such patriots.

I was reading 'A thousand splendid suns' some time back.... the essence of the book still lingers in my mind. At times I still wonder what it feels like to live in a state of constant fear... not knowing if your loved ones will return home at night... not knowing if you'll see the light of the day tomorrow.... of having your life at the mercy of others. Thanks to our freedom fighters we'll never have to deal with that. In the colonial India, to have the vision of seeing the bigger picture... and dedicating your life in pursuit of that goal was either sheer genius or sheer madness.... both of which we should be thankful for; for today we are a free country.

This independence day, I am filled with pride... and more importantly I understand what I am proud of.. I am not celebrating just because others are... just because it is unpatriotic not to.... I am celebrating in remembrance of our freedom fighters. May we all do our bit in propelling India in the forward direction... so our great grandkids also get a chance to feel this pride for their forefathers... the inspiration to give to the country for no other reason than that we are doing this for our motherland!

Jai Hind!

Saturday, August 7, 2010

I am getting it now... I think!

Sweat literally burning my eyes.... now why would I ever *volunteer* for something that'd lead to this?! Ahhh... the sweet pain, the satisfaction of working out!!

The last couple of yoga classes have been amazing for me. I can feel my transition to the next level ... I can pass off for a semi regular... well, at least a *not a newbie* practicioner now. I remember starting off with a goal of not leaving the room for the duration of the class. I haven't stepped out of a class in the middle of one even once - but hey, I know how many times I have given up in the middle of an asana and just sunk into my mat... hoping for the class to be over soon... questioning my judgement in doing something this intense. For all that I have come through, I am really happy with myself for sticking with the programme (with some much needed and very well timed figurative kicks in the behind from S ofcourse)

I am now where I can stick with all the 26 asanas for the entire 90 minutes without feeling the intense urge to just leave it all and flee the studio. I think if an experienced *yogini* has taken a 100 steps to get where they are at practicing yoga... I am at step 10...but well, in my mind I have no doubts that I worked very hard to put step 9 behind me. I hope to remember the feeling of tiredness and relaxation in one breath... and then forgettting all the fatigue the next moment. Ahh... rejuvenating yoga! During savaasana today, I almost felt my body emanating heat... I could see the vapors rise from the surface of my skin. Geez, it is an experience every single class!

One of the instructors sums it up very well.... his concluding statements go like..
"Remember my friend, energy is not something you have... energy is something you ARE!"